A curve...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. - Anonymous

And a knife is a blade that stabs you in the face.

The whole reason I started writing this blog was because of a horrendously kitschy wooden sign I saw in someone's house that said, "Friends are the flowers in the garden of life." After I had defecated on the sign and threatened a murder suicide (I was going to murder myself and make them commit suicide for having that sign in their house), I promised myself from that day forward, I would dedicate my life to getting douchebag quotes the scorn they so rightfully deserve.

Getting back to this quote, one of my favorite ways of heaping scorn is to say a similar quote but change the words so something more meaningful. I could do this all day:

• A poop is a shit that smells up the bathroom.
• A prison is a bedroom that hurts your hienyhole.
• A pinky is a finger that fits nicely in your nose.

See? It's easy. Now you try.